How not to die in Zante

QUADS ARE BAD

Quad bikes are very unstable, have no safety belt and the roads round Zante are nothing short of a nightmare, every year in Zante we have lots of accidents.

The casualty rate for people who rent quad bikes is a simply astonishing 25%. That’s ONE IN FOUR! Also, if you have an accident, you will incur damage to the bike, which you will receive a hefty bill for.

This money would be far better spent on something enjoyable like a nice cold beer or a Woo Woo on the beach.

BALCONY FAIL

Hopping over to your friends balcony when you’re stone cold sober is easy. However, when you’re mortal this simple manoeuvre could cause you to be stone cold dead. Every summer across the tourist resorts scores of people fall from balcony’s and either die or are seriously injured.

Very stupid things often seem like a good idea when you’re smashed like letting your mates ram you head first into a boxing machine which is a new craze.

Not such a good idea when you have to wear a neck brace for the next 6 weeks #truestory

ZANTE SECURITY

The security situation in Zante is VERY different from the UK. In the UK bouncers only use violence when necessary. This is not the case in Zante so when they tell you to f**k off make sure you do before you get slapped. HARD.

Put yourself in their shoes. There might be 2 bouncers in charge of keeping the peace in a bar packed with huge groups of lads. So, they HAVE to act first and act hardest as they are outnumbered massively.

Don’t learn this lesson the hard way lads, everyone gets a bit brave after a few beers but you will regret it.

DON'T BREAK YOUR NECK

Always check the depth of a swimming pool before you drunkenly enter it head first with your arms by your side shouting out SALMOOOOOOON or they could be your infamous last words!

Or if the guy on the boat party says ‘Don’t dive from the top deck it’s too shallow’. THEN DON’T!

Hundreds of young people are injured every year across the European tourist resorts by doing this, and some end up paralysed for life – not a good look, especially when you've gone to Zante to graft birds.

DRUNK DRIVERS

You know the knob heads who drive really fast round the streets in your home town? Well, there’s LOADS of them in Zante and it’s not just cars they are driving. Peak season there's hundreds of knob heads racing around, pissed out of their faces on quad bikes and mopeds.

Look out for them! Accidents happen every year and the results are really horrific. In 4 Summers I have personally seen over 20 people run over on the Laganas Strip and scores of moped and quad bike collisions.

Remember your Green Cross Code!

DON'T SLIP UP

One of the great things about Zante is that males are not allowed to dance on bars. Now lets face it girls, dancing on a bar is not a good look at the best of times, but falling off backwards into the large bin full of empty beer bottles is an epic fail and should be avoided.

You can of course also fall on to trays of glasses other people, rows of bottles etc. Be careful up there girls and wear some nice underwear for heavens sake!